Friday, July 24, 2009

Shortest ‘Fairy’ Tale

Once upon a time, there lived a man. Fell in love with a prince, got married. And they lived gayly ever after.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The global financial crisis in an analogy we can understand

In which The Bekku unashamedly cuts-and-pastes something found on the net, but not without trying to find out its provenance or the original author so it can be attributed but nopes, and in no mood to be dogged. But still, You, yes You! – who thought it and wrote it first – The Bekku thanks you. Now on with the analogy….

Linda is the proprietor of a bar in Cork. In order to increase sales, she decides to allow her loyal customers - most of whom are unemployed alcoholics - to drink now but pay later. She keeps track of the drinks consumed on a ledger (thereby granting the customers loans).

Word gets around and as a result increasing numbers of customers flood into Linda's bar. Taking advantage of her customers' freedom from immediate payment constraints, Linda increases her prices for wine and beer, the most-consumed beverages. Her sales volume increases massively. A young and dynamic customer service consultant at the local bank recognizes these customer debts as valuable future assets and increases Linda's borrowing limit. He sees no reason for undue concern since he has the debts of the alcoholics as collateral.

At the bank's corporate headquarters, expert bankers transform these customer assets into DRINKBONDS, ALKBONDS and PUKEBONDS. These securities are then traded on markets worldwide. No one really understands what these abbreviations mean and how the securities are guaranteed. Nevertheless, as their prices continuously climb, the securities become top-selling items. One day, although the prices are still climbing, a risk manager (subsequently of course fired due to his negativity) of the bank decides that slowly the time has come to demand payment of the debts incurred by the drinkers at Linda's bar. However they cannot pay back the debts.

Linda can not fulfill her loan obligations and claims bankruptcy. DRINKBOND and ALKBOND drop in price by 95 %. PUKEBOND performs better, stabilizing in price after dropping by 80 %. The suppliers of Linda's bar, having granted her generous payment due dates and having invested in the securities are faced with a new situation. Her wine supplier claims bankruptcy, her beer supplier is taken over by a competitor. The bank is saved by the Government following dramatic round-the-clock consultations by leaders from the governing political parties (and vested interests). The funds required for this purpose are obtained by a tax levied on the non-drinkers.

The Bekku concedes that it does not pay to be a teetotaler. Drink up!

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Friday, July 03, 2009

A sexy post

Sextion 377. Finally most of what it applied to has been de-criminalised. Hoorah. Yay. While the faggots are publicly celebrating, you as a straight, heterosexual normal man or woman should also be standing relieved. Because while the shirtlifters might have made it their mission in life, it equally applies to you too, and for all you know you have been up to many criminal acts that went against the order of nature. Here’s how:

Section 377 of the IPC. Unnatural offences: Whoever voluntarily has carnal intercourse against the order of nature with any man, woman or animal, shall be punished with imprisonment for life, or with imprisonment of either description for term which may extend to ten years, and shall also be liable to fine.

But since the term ‘carnal intercourse’ is such an ambiguous term with regards to what it constitutes, there’s also an explanation in Note 1.

Explanation (to Section 377 of the IPC) – Penetration is sufficient to constitute the carnal intercourse necessary to the offence described in this Section.

The key phrase of course is ‘against the order of nature’ which we would usually apply to the homosexuals because it is, right? Think again. If you’ve ever been done the favour of a fellatio, well there you go! Thou haveth committed a criminal offense. Also a seriously supposedly facetious character like the Bekku could also on a technicality claim that using a condom is against the ‘order of nature’; when was the last time you saw a dog in a helmet? Speaking of doggys, there is the issue of ‘let’s add some variety’. So if you’ve ever been retrocopulating or in other words doin’ it doggy style, you’ve been committing an offense my frisky experimenting straight friend. So any form of intercourse other than a straightforward missionary position between a man and a woman would be considered ‘against the order of nature’, digital penetration included, and is punishable.

So that’s why even a heterosexual, normal person should support the (no one’s saying parade alongside the faggots) de-criminalization of Section 377, irrespective of whether you condone homosexuality or not, regardless of your personal prejudices against gays (and maybe even lesbians!).

The religious heads (no pun intended) are of course against it, because homosexuality is unacceptable to Christianity and Islam., and it being turned into law. They shouldn’t actually be worried these blinkered bishops and myopic mullahs. So what if its de-criminalised homosexuality, doesn’t mean you have to condone it or encourage it or not socially stigmatise the faggots and ostracise the shirtlifters. But let's not make them legal criminals. Plus, no one’s giving any legal rights to same-sex couples or making same-sex marriages legal, not just yet. They’re just not gonna be punished or harassed for having an alternate sexual preference and being deviant that’s all. And the government will wait and watch. Plus this judgment as of now only applies to Delhi. Rejoice all thee doggy stylin’ straight boys in Delhi. The rest of you make sure you don’t do it in public (and for the purposes of decency and conduct even in Delhi). So from here on, the momentum should take things forward so when it comes to debate into making it a law, make sure you support it. Because de-criminalising something is not the same as making it legal.

Wednesday, July 01, 2009

More Bale

Christian Bale is amongst the last of humankind fighting against a stronger enemy who is hell bent on wiping all vestiges of humanity from the face of the planet. Having always lived and grown up under the shadow of this enemy, he knows a thing or two about the adversary that the other people in the resistance don’t. Christian Bale then meets another man of his own kind who he is suspicious at first and later comes to trust. Many action sequences and CGIs later, this person ends up helping Christian Bale win a decisive battle.

Well by now you would’ve guessed which movie I am talking about. The enjoyable dragon flick Reign of Fire. Imagine how much more fun the movie would’ve been if he had a meltdown or go ranting at the DP during the shooting of RoF.