Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Revisiting the continuing adventures of Romantic Lady Killer Man

He took her hand in his. Raised it to his lips. Like one would a glass of wine. Kissed it tenderly. Ah! He thought. Such a lovely hand. Too bad, he thought, that it should end this way. He gazed at her hand. Sparking green was the jade ring that he’d given to her. It looked better on her than anybody else he thought. And on this full moon night, out there amidst all the green, with the soft pale moonlight reflecting off her hand and the ring. What a lovely sight. Of all the women, this was the one he liked best. And what a lovely hand! What a waste! He steeled himself as he now had to do what he dreaded most. End it once and for all. This now, is the toughest part he knew. He held the ring between his fingers. With one swift motion, he yanked it off her hand. Sorry girl, he thought to himself, wish I could tell you how much I loved you. But he never did have the chance. He looked at the jade ring and put it in his pocket. Hope you don’t mind, my love, he said as he took one last look at her lovely red right hand and tossed it into the pit where it landed with a soft thud above the rest of her. Sigh! And only her love was on his mind as he started shovelling the wet sand over his latest love.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Anisuthide yaako indu ee haadu nanna haadendu

All hail Jayant Kaikini for this

Anisuthide yaako indu, neeneney nannavalendu
Maayadaa lokadinda, nanagaage bandavalendu
Aahaa yentha madhura yaathane
Kollu hudugi omme nanna....haage summane….

Suriyuva soneyu sooside ninnade parimala
Innyara kanasulu neenu hodare talamala
Poorna chandira rajaa haakida
Ninnaya mogavanu kanda kshanaa…
Naa khaidi neeney seremane
Tappi nanna appiko omme…haage summane

Tutigala hoovali aadada maathina sihiyide
Manasina putadali kevala ninnade sahiyide

Haneyali bareyada ninna hesara
Hrudayadi naane korediruve
Ninagunte idara kalpane
Nanna hesara kooge omme…haage summane


All hail Mano Murthy (U.S.A.) for the music. Mucho gratitude to Triskaidekophiliac for making me ‘listen’ to the lyrics. The recitation helped.

And thanks to Yogaraj Bhat, Udaya TV, KannadaBond and youtube (in that order) for this:


Alles Gute zum Geburtstag, mein Führer.
Happy birthday.

the first ‘feminist’

According to apocrypha and legends, Lilith is considered the first wife of Adam. But the Lilith figure goes much before that. Innana they called her. A part of the Sumerian myths and then some. Some call her now ‘the first feminist’ based on OT apocrypha. For she was created equally with Adam, from the same material (?). But unfortunately for Adam, and more importantly for Adam’s God, she turned out to be a person (note: not woman!) quite capable of independent thought. Created together, she considered herself the equal of Adam and refused to ‘lie beneath him’. Apart from the sexual role, she recoiled too at the passive marital role handed down to her. Bugger you and bugger your Eden said Lilith to Adam and his God and walked off into the dim mists of legend and lore. And reappeared as a demoness in most of the ensuing stories and legends, as baby killer, man sacrifier and an underworld avenger. Poor Lilith. Meanwhile, Adam’s God had already taken care of things – creating another woman from Adam’s rib, helping then to ensure woman’s subservience. Do you blame Lilith?

Well, leave you now with the Hon. John Collier’s portrayal of Lilith. Lilith, the one who started it all. Through amazingly understandable demand for equal status. By refusing to ‘lie under a man’. Hmmm…men will be men. Pigs will fly. And fish will need bicycles.

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Amidst all this brouhaha about cricket and chappals, did anyone notice that Vishwanathan Anand became the world No.1 in chess?

Funny. You’d have thought that rather than concentrate on Sania Mirza rising up one spot to the grand height of No.45 in the WTA rankings or waste reams of paper on a worthless team whose only latest exploit is beating a team from a country with a population not large enough to fill even the eden gardens stadium, people and papers and the media would be patting Anand on the back. But no. All he gets is one half-column space article hidden between the man of the match SMS contest and a loser’s (read Indian cricketer) caricature.

Hasn’t somebody realised that finally another Indian is No.1 in a game when probably the last time we had a world champion was a few years after we invented it? Now that raises a lot more questions than answers. For we maybe Kabaddi champions today. But the day is not far away when Bermuda will beat us at that. But till then Congratulations Anand! We are all proud of you. There maybe those who would concentrate on our national team’s defeat, but there are those of us who’d rather look for people who bring glory to the nation in their chosen field. Not that you need our backslapping encouragement for you have always gone it alone, almost, but still.

But all said and done, this over-obsessive obsession with cricket must stop, if the rest of the games and sports are to go anywhere in this country.

But hey! It’s not like I hate cricket. I love cricket! Which is why I support the Australian cricket team. I love cricket. Which is why it think this humiliating ouster and its soap-operatic fallout is the best thing that’s happened to Indian cricket. Till then and even then, we have our Anands and Gopichands.

Buggering the Virgins….

The Virgins are here. Finally.
But I wish they weren’t. Not here. Not anywhere.
It’s time we sacrificed these Virgins at the altar of Anger.
Citing very valid reasons of good taste and everything good about comics.
Sadhu. Devi. Snake woman. The first taste of these left a very bad taste in the mouth.
Too soon to tell?
Too soon to be titillating?
Too soon to tell that it’s a pathetic, puerile bastardisation of myths?
Too soon to tell this feels like it’s going to be a parade of clichés?
Too soon to tell that most of these clichés will be overlaid with bad art?
And printed on toilet paper….bad toilet paper, in a neighbourhood colour Xerox machine.
Too soon to tell?
Maybe…but…
Who needs second-hand Virgins anyway?

So should you buy these Virgins?
Yes. I say.
Go ahead. Buy them. Buy them!
But then, it’s just my sadistic streak talking.
Buy them.
Because misery seeks company.
Buy them. Read them.
So you too can see what they mean when they say “Indian”.
Buy them. So you can burn them.

So will I buy them?
Yes. I will.
Because a hundred rupees is too small a price to pay for a good laugh.
Even though it hurts.
I will buy them.
So I can see my theories affirmed.
And because venom needs a target.
Will I burn them? Or consign this trash to trash?
No.
Because one needs to keep a record of ‘things wrong with the world’.
And having proof helps.

Maybe it’s time to take Laal Khopdi seriously and bring him to life…

fishing in hyderabad

Let’s say you’re in Hyderabad. And more particularly, in the Charminar area. And suddenly! you feel this burning desire to buy a fishing net. What do you do? What do you do? Maybe you’re fishing for the proverbial ‘other fish in the sea’ or maybe you’re a fisherman who really needs a net to catch some sea fish even though you’re miles and miles away from the nearest sea. Anyway, what do you do? What do you do?

Fear not! This is Hyderabad, where I saw a lot of strange and disturbing things over a rushed weekend. And met a great bunch of people from Dell. No that’s not a spelling mistake, notwithstanding certain circles I move around it. It’s Dell! Not Hell!! All courtesy The Eyyala. Who nowadays, goes around under the strange moniker of ‘Daddy!’ (exclamation mark included). Now this bunch is as crazy as it gets. At least two of them have the grand ambition of shoplifting prophylactics (ahem! euphemism?). Stranger than that is the person who they’re being smuggled out of stores for. Charming chappie, apparently always ‘working out’, and not! in the gym. Watch out women…here comes da man. Now this is the same gang that is known to relax in bean bags. Nothing strange about that you say? But relaxing on bean bags at 4 in the morning on a main road in Hyderabad…right bang in the middle of the road. Well….these are crazy times we live in and these people are crazier than that. Split my sides just being with them.

Now Daddy (previously known as The Eyyala) and me happened to pack in some hyderabadi mutton biriyani, the charminar and the golconda in a few hours. Of course a few land speed records were beaten. Not bad considering that traffic signals in Hyderabad don’t work the way they do everywhere else. Green means ‘Go’. Yellow means ‘Go’. Red stands for (you guessed it) ‘GO!’ Now each of these is a story in itself, not to mention the B&C + Tequila experience and the incursion into Mainland China. That was with Daddy’s Flock. Thank you gang for a great time!!!

Wait! What?? Ah the fishing net you ask. Ok. Ok. Let me not ramble on and give you the answer, which is this: If you want a fishing net in Hyderabad, do not go to the barber, tailor, the carpenter or god forbid! a fishing equipment store. Head straight (if you’re in the charminar area) to the Jeweller! Yes. The jeweller. Don’t believe me? Here’s evidence: